Disappointment - Part 2
This post is part of a series, if you haven't seen it yet check out part 1.
I’m a better person today than I could have ever been without the difficult things that have happened
I’ve got a question for you. If I want to find myself a diamond and I don’t have enough money to go into a shop and buy one, and I don’t want to steal it, where would I go? Where do we find diamonds?
I’d have to find a diamond mine or search in the dirt. We find diamonds in darkness.
This is going to sound shocking but, in a way, I’m glad that stuff happened. I’m a better person today than I could have ever been without the difficult things that have happened to me and the disappointments I've faced. Definitely.
Let me explain. As I was going through the shock and the pain of my parent’s divorce, there was something I held onto, something that really helped. It was a sentence in the Bible.
‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’
What does that mean? It means that in everything, in everything good and in everything bad, even the worst things of all, God is there somewhere, somehow bringing good out of it.
I mentioned before that something that can be intended to be really good can actually cause a lot of pain. It goes both ways. What can look like a terrible thing to begin with can actually be something that goes onto have a good effect on us in the end. What can look like something terrible, something that will only ever have bad effects on us, can be something that God can work with to produce amazing things in us.
Let me give you a couple examples of what exactly that meant for me.
I found friends I wouldn't have otherwise found
When I was going through my parents’ divorce I met someone who was going through a similar situation. We were able to talk about it and help each other with what we were both going through. His name was Kiran and today he is still one of my best friends. Through a really hard situation I made one of the best friends I’ve ever had.
I became a better person myself
I learned how to open up to other people. I also learned how to understand pain and disappointment in other people’s lives better. I became a better friend and a better person.
Going through my parents’ divorce, and the break up of my relationship five years later, I learned how to open up to other people. I also learned how to understand pain and disappointment in other people’s lives better. I became a better friend and a better person.
I came closer to God
There was a day, in the midst of the darkness of my parents’ divorce, where I couldn’t take it any more. That day I did a brave thing. I went to church.
I’d been going to that church for over a year then but that day I couldn’t sit with anyone. I couldn’t be around anyone. I just had to be an overlooked part of the crowd.
When the worship started I mouthed the words, trying to mean them but not being able to. Part-way through, a song came on that said ‘Oh no You never let go through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go in every high and every low. Oh no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me.’
It was a powerful statement to me. The whole world had walked out. God hadn’t. I was in the middle of a fierce storm. God was there. I was in one of my lowest lows. God cared. He hadn’t let go of me.
Those words really broke through to me and I was able to cry for the first time, and I was able to begin healing. The whole world had walked out, but God hadn’t.
I discovered things about myself
After the break up I didn’t just feel bad because of the actual event, I felt terrible because I had given everything of myself to another person and their judgment on me was that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t enough, according to them. That was a hard pill to swallow.
I decided not to swallow it, instead of accepting my ex-girlfriend’s judgment on me I decided to take a journey to answer that question for myself. Was I enough? Was I worthwhile? Who was I?
My sense of identity and worth doesn't rise and fall on the opinions of others. I know who I am.
It was a process, a long one, but a worthwhile one. I learned to see the good in myself, and to accept myself, and that changed my life enormously. People can say whatever they like, do whatever they like, but I've made peace with who I am. They can't get to me. My sense of identity and worth doesn't rise and fall on the opinions of others. I know who I am.
I found parts of myself I never knew were there, or that I'd given up on. Not least, this last thing:
I became a writer
We all need something we can be passionate about, something we can pour ourselves into. For me that became writing. Out of the break up, and the subsequent search for myself, I learned that I had a real creative streak and I started writing. For two years now I’ve been writing and I look forward to being a published author one day. I love it.
If I hadn’t gone through all those things I wouldn’t be half the man I am today. I wouldn't have some of my closest friends. I wouldn't have the kind of relationship with God I have. I wouldn't I wouldn’t be spending my life in the way that’s true to me – investing in young people and creating stories that captivate people’s imaginations. The good was worth the bad.