Massive Virgin

Massive Virgin

Why I'm a virgin at the age of 18.

Read more …

Go back

Add a comment

Comment by Fray |

Dear Cameron,

I thought your article was very eloquent, well-written and insightful. As a none-believer I would like to ask you a few things, just to further educate myself on your beliefs.
For one, I understand the whole "I will not sleep with someone else wife.", but when it comes to sexual activity, how far is too far? I'm guessing it's up to interpretation but what are the criteria upon which you base this interpretation?
Another thing that I don't get, which I think you briefly mention, is the idea of "what's the point?" Though it might be an often said response, I think it is still just as valid. Why would a transcendent being, such as God, care? He operates beyond the physical limitations of time and space, thus he is undetectable; at which point, does this not elevate him beyond the whims of humans, especially something as (in my eyes) trivial as sex? Maybe once upon a time sex before marriage was a big taboo, but this was for good reason. In the times of Jesus, and for 1800 years afterwards, we had little or no knowledge of disease and it's causes. You had sex with people out of wedlock and you ran a much higher chance of sexually transmitted diseases and other infections.
This taboo was only further justified as the ease of getting a woman pregnant was high; however, in this time these things have become much, much safer; albeit, I know not perfect, but as long as you're not "sleeping around" your chance of these things are incredibly low. For yourself and Lucy, you're both clean, and both faithful and long-term. With use on condoms and/or other methods nothing bad will happen as long as you both remain faithful, which as Christians who value the commandments and Jesus' values, I trust you would be.
In conclusion, I don't think it seems, how do I say? Relevant? To apply the teachings of the Bible on some aspects to the world of today? In much the same way as a lot of Christians believe in evolution, dinosaurs, the possibility of alien life, due to new and improved sciences I think it seems sensible to value changes in sciences when it comes to other things too? For some reason, I think maybe the meaning of adultery has been translated, or changed in meaning over time from it's original purpose? You say that if you slept together in this relationship then something happened and you moved on, you have effectively slept with someone else's wife. I understand that's probably quite a niche belief; however, I think it's almost certainly not what was meant when it was first iterated. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm hate-mongering or uneducated on the topic, but I was quite taken in with your article and thought it would be interesting to see how you responded to a slightly more well-thought-out questioning of your reasoning, rather than the questions you may receive day-to-day.
Thanks for writing this article, I found it most interesting, thanks.

Comment by Callum |

Fray,
thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!!
first, there is a lot of ambiguity regarding what can and can't be done before marriage, the bible doesn't expressly mention the exacts. However foreplay is essentially understood as the acts that lead up to sex, and if thats the case then it begs the question 'why stop? Why keep just sex for marriage but do everything in the build up? I realise that there is also ambiguity as to what exactly constitutes foreplay, I can't shed much light on the matter. But I do know that within my relationship I wish for her welfare in all areas of her life, including her relationship with God, and the bible says to flee from sexual temptation. If we are to put one another in a situation where we are tempted, are we not putting ourselves before each others relationship with God? and therefore removing the selflessness that sexual intimacy reacquires? its hard to explain, but does that answer your question?

Your point on why would God care about our sexual whims is a good one. I would say that every creator cares for what they create, an artist may pour over a canvas for hours, an architect may invest love into every inch of their dream building. God calls us His masterpiece, the pinnacle of His creation. He demonstrated His care for us when He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die the death that we deserve, that we can be saved- check out John 3:16! For more on that, check out the articles in topics, under "JESUS CHRIST!"

I think it is indeed important that the bible be read mindful of the context and culture of the time of writing. But there is so much in there, just because we have empirical evidence of evolution etc, it doesn't necessarily mean that the whole thing should be disregarded, for example imagine how different the world would be if everyone would love their neighbour as they love themselves?
I do get your point on the meaning of adultery, the oxford dictionary puts it as sexual intercourse between someone who is married with someone other than their spouse, which i suppose wouldn't apply to myself. However, the bible also warns against fornication, which is intercourse between two people not married to each other.
I realise that this is all coming from my perspective as a believer, so I really hope that I've managed to answer your questions and be some help,
thanks again

Callum Elwood

Callum Elwood

Callum has grown up in church all his life, and has been in leadership over young people since he was 16. Callum leads his college CU as part of a team students and has a heart for mission and evangelism amongst his peer group. He has been a follower of The Bridge since our beginnings and we are delighted to have him writing for us now. He is sick...

Streams

The Big Story #6: God's Church

The Big Story #6: God's Church

Rounding off our big Bible overview we look to the conclusion of the story and what we need to do to get there. God has chosen us to play a part in it, but how? What does it mean to be God's church?

Read more …

The Big Story #5: God's Son

The Big Story #5: God's Son

It all points to Him, everything that had come before, the promises, the prophecies, the people. Here we reach the climax of God's story in a person, God's son, Jesus Christ. We don't understand him until we see how he fits into what's come before.

Read more …

The Big Story #3: God's Kingdom

The Big Story #3: God's Kingdom

Look around the world and we see kings, presidents, leaders who are very much flawed. Israel had a king - God, but they wanted a human king. We look at how that worked out for God's people.

Read more …

The Big Story #2: God's People

The Big Story #2: God's People

God's story is both cosmic in scope and intimate in care, we see that as he chose to fulfil his purposes in a family. But why did God choose Abraham and the people of Israel to be the ones who would be a blessing to the whole world?

Read more …

Massive Virgin

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 2 years and we haven’t slept together. This may not be a surprise to some who know us or have grown up going to a Christian youth group, but the sad reality is that when I’ve chatted to people at work or throughout education, Lucy and I are in the minority.

Beginning our relationship at 15, this may not have been the case. But certainly now when we tell people we haven’t slept together, the reactions vary from shock, to awe, to a sly wink of disbelief.  

Then come the questions - people don’t get it, we are the anomaly.

‘In this day and age why would you wait?’ ‘Surely God wants you to be happy?’ ‘What about if you love each other?’ ‘As long as you are going to get married one day what does it matter?’

However, the one most common reaction that I have found, regardless of the age and stage most young people are at, is simply - ‘But... why?’

The demand is a good one, and it's something I have attempted to explain countless times to believers (many young Christians today would disagree with my stance) and non-believers alike.

My answer has taken some serious thought and prayer. After all, when others our age, even other Christians, talk about how great sex is, how it's so much fun and how amazing it is to share in that level of intimacy with each other, why wouldn’t I want to try? And what better opportunity than in a long-term, loving relationship? A relationship where we share so much of our lives, why not share just that much more?

Quite simply, the deepest desire of a Christian’s heart is to see God glorified. A desire I know Lucy and I both share. So what better way to glorify God in our relationship than to maintain that sex is the highest expression of love that you can physically give to someone, and is a gift from the creator to the created. Why on earth would we then not follow his instructions for its use?

We all have stories of Boxing Days that have ended in a shameful walk back to the previously discarded instruction booklet for that gift that was so promising, yet caused such unnecessary stress and pain, purely because we thought we could make it work on our own.

In the Bible, God outlines His instructions as our creator for this gift of sex, and it’s so clear that it is only acceptable if shared between a married couple. Think about the commandment to not commit adultery in Exodus 20:14, which simply means to not have sexual relations with someone else’s husband/wife.

Lucy is not my wife. I am not her husband. For us to have sex would not glorify God.

Furthermore if we are to be married to other people, then we have genuinely slept with someone else’s spouse. The apostle Paul goes on to further emphasise the fact that God has intended sex to be kept between man and wife in Hebrews 14:4 & 1 Corinthians 7:2.

After explaining that I’m not willing to give the very greatest gift of physical love I can to someone who is not my wife, I’m then usually faced with the challenge of ‘well what can you do?’

I was chatting about this with a friend over a coffee the other day, he had just begun a relationship with a Christian and phrased the issue like this – ‘Where is the line between glorification and fornication?’

So how far is too far? This is the question that there is no remotely easy answer to. The mere fact that this question even gets asked shows that we as humans can have all the best intentions of glorifying God, yet still have the flesh battling for control. St Paul writes, ‘I do what I do not want to do’. This blatantly shows that when we try to honour God in our relationship, and still physically express our affection for one another, the struggle becomes very real.

So some advice: On a brutally practical level, get an accountability group. People who will journey alongside you, support you, and hold your actions to account. Look for people who love you enough to smack out ‘how dare you?!’ when you say you understand what it means to love someone, yet want to sleep with them before marriage.

It may sound obvious, but you have to communicate in your relationship, tell your partner how you feel. Ask how it is you can help each other glorify God in your own individual walks, and then strive to make one another successful.

These will help, but in all honesty its rare that mere practical advice is ever enough.

C.S Lewis says in his book The Screwtape Letters,

“Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one- soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without sign-posts…”

It is too easy to set a boundary, push it, stretch it and slowly see it break under the pretence of setting a new ‘more realistic’ boundary. Then as the opportunity presents itself you convince each other that what you meant when you said ‘boundary’ was actually a ‘guideline’, some slack either way shouldn’t do any harm. And so this cycle repeats.

In a relationship it is so important to express your affection for one another both physically and verbally, it is only natural and healthy to do so.  However it is so much more essential to glorify God, and being human we are only going to do this in one way – through the power that God has given us. The Holy Spirit dwells in us and through Him we can be equipped to take up our cross and face daily life. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says that God will not tempt us beyond our ability to endure, but sustains us through the power He has provided for us. So we must spend time with God, absorb ourselves in scripture, immerse ourselves in prayer and petition God to incline our hearts to His.

My prayer as I write this is to honour God, honour Lucy and honour myself. ‘Love is not merely an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved persons ultimate good, as far as it can be obtained’. So I pray that as you read this, the importance of denying yourself, giving your all, your everything, your life and following Him will weigh on your heart. Journey in the power of the Holy Spirit, in knowledge that through Christ’s death and resurrection we are saved from the Father's wrath and day by day we walk together into eternity.

"No sex before marriage"?

Go back

Add a comment

Comment by Fray |

Dear Cameron,

I thought your article was very eloquent, well-written and insightful. As a none-believer I would like to ask you a few things, just to further educate myself on your beliefs.
For one, I understand the whole "I will not sleep with someone else wife.", but when it comes to sexual activity, how far is too far? I'm guessing it's up to interpretation but what are the criteria upon which you base this interpretation?
Another thing that I don't get, which I think you briefly mention, is the idea of "what's the point?" Though it might be an often said response, I think it is still just as valid. Why would a transcendent being, such as God, care? He operates beyond the physical limitations of time and space, thus he is undetectable; at which point, does this not elevate him beyond the whims of humans, especially something as (in my eyes) trivial as sex? Maybe once upon a time sex before marriage was a big taboo, but this was for good reason. In the times of Jesus, and for 1800 years afterwards, we had little or no knowledge of disease and it's causes. You had sex with people out of wedlock and you ran a much higher chance of sexually transmitted diseases and other infections.
This taboo was only further justified as the ease of getting a woman pregnant was high; however, in this time these things have become much, much safer; albeit, I know not perfect, but as long as you're not "sleeping around" your chance of these things are incredibly low. For yourself and Lucy, you're both clean, and both faithful and long-term. With use on condoms and/or other methods nothing bad will happen as long as you both remain faithful, which as Christians who value the commandments and Jesus' values, I trust you would be.
In conclusion, I don't think it seems, how do I say? Relevant? To apply the teachings of the Bible on some aspects to the world of today? In much the same way as a lot of Christians believe in evolution, dinosaurs, the possibility of alien life, due to new and improved sciences I think it seems sensible to value changes in sciences when it comes to other things too? For some reason, I think maybe the meaning of adultery has been translated, or changed in meaning over time from it's original purpose? You say that if you slept together in this relationship then something happened and you moved on, you have effectively slept with someone else's wife. I understand that's probably quite a niche belief; however, I think it's almost certainly not what was meant when it was first iterated. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm hate-mongering or uneducated on the topic, but I was quite taken in with your article and thought it would be interesting to see how you responded to a slightly more well-thought-out questioning of your reasoning, rather than the questions you may receive day-to-day.
Thanks for writing this article, I found it most interesting, thanks.

Comment by Callum |

Fray,
thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!!
first, there is a lot of ambiguity regarding what can and can't be done before marriage, the bible doesn't expressly mention the exacts. However foreplay is essentially understood as the acts that lead up to sex, and if thats the case then it begs the question 'why stop? Why keep just sex for marriage but do everything in the build up? I realise that there is also ambiguity as to what exactly constitutes foreplay, I can't shed much light on the matter. But I do know that within my relationship I wish for her welfare in all areas of her life, including her relationship with God, and the bible says to flee from sexual temptation. If we are to put one another in a situation where we are tempted, are we not putting ourselves before each others relationship with God? and therefore removing the selflessness that sexual intimacy reacquires? its hard to explain, but does that answer your question?

Your point on why would God care about our sexual whims is a good one. I would say that every creator cares for what they create, an artist may pour over a canvas for hours, an architect may invest love into every inch of their dream building. God calls us His masterpiece, the pinnacle of His creation. He demonstrated His care for us when He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die the death that we deserve, that we can be saved- check out John 3:16! For more on that, check out the articles in topics, under "JESUS CHRIST!"

I think it is indeed important that the bible be read mindful of the context and culture of the time of writing. But there is so much in there, just because we have empirical evidence of evolution etc, it doesn't necessarily mean that the whole thing should be disregarded, for example imagine how different the world would be if everyone would love their neighbour as they love themselves?
I do get your point on the meaning of adultery, the oxford dictionary puts it as sexual intercourse between someone who is married with someone other than their spouse, which i suppose wouldn't apply to myself. However, the bible also warns against fornication, which is intercourse between two people not married to each other.
I realise that this is all coming from my perspective as a believer, so I really hope that I've managed to answer your questions and be some help,
thanks again

Sign in or create your free account to add your comment or ask a question...