Work porn sleep porn work

Work porn sleep porn work

Many people would ask me how my Holiday break was and depending on whom it was my answer changed greatly. My answers were one of these three: it was good; it was all right, I worked a lot; or it sucked.

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Alex Goolsby

Alex Goolsby

Alex is a fantastic man who is a gifted minister to many. Being from Richmond VA, he brings a beautiful southern american Accent into our teaching at The Bridge. Alex has much to offer in wisdom, even though he is a pastors kid. He enjoys long walks in the park, good deep conversation and a royal pipe smoking session once in a while. Alex, when not at University, works with children with disabilities and has life goals of being Christ to people who often get marginalised. He is magnificent.

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The Big Story #6: God's Church

The Big Story #6: God's Church

Rounding off our big Bible overview we look to the conclusion of the story and what we need to do to get there. God has chosen us to play a part in it, but how? What does it mean to be God's church?

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The Big Story #5: God's Son

The Big Story #5: God's Son

It all points to Him, everything that had come before, the promises, the prophecies, the people. Here we reach the climax of God's story in a person, God's son, Jesus Christ. We don't understand him until we see how he fits into what's come before.

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The Big Story #3: God's Kingdom

The Big Story #3: God's Kingdom

Look around the world and we see kings, presidents, leaders who are very much flawed. Israel had a king - God, but they wanted a human king. We look at how that worked out for God's people.

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The Big Story #2: God's People

The Big Story #2: God's People

God's story is both cosmic in scope and intimate in care, we see that as he chose to fulfil his purposes in a family. But why did God choose Abraham and the people of Israel to be the ones who would be a blessing to the whole world?

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Many people would ask me how my Holiday break was and depending on whom it was my answer changed greatly. My answers were one of these three: it was good; it was all right, I worked a lot; or it sucked. Over the three-week break we got I worked between 70-75 hours. Three days of my week were spent at work. Going into break my relationship with God was, uh, nothing? I had a very apathetic relationship over the month before leading to break and during my break I was going to have time to solidify that relationship. We were going to get on a good level, joy reign supreme in my life.

To take a slight turn, I have struggled with pornography and masturbation since 8th grade. It is a constant battle that I seemed to have had a pretty good grip on (pun intended). I had some great anti-porn software... so I thought. A week or two before finals started it started messing up my computer; it was blocking every site saying I had to log back in. The software I had was not the most up to date so I had to uninstall it. I had every intention of reinstalling it, but after finals because I could not risk something going wrong and me not being able to get information from the Internet for finals. So after talking with my accountability partner I decided I could be strong enough without it. No such luck. My fall back into pornography was only enhanced when break came around. Instead of reading my Bible I was logging on to my go-to porn site and watching videos.

Over break it felt like I fell into a pit of pornography. I was waking up going to work, coming back watching porn and masturbating and falling asleep. Sometimes I had an overnight and I would bring my laptop, watch porn, masturbate and then go to sleep. It became a habit. No longer was I looking at porn to fulfill a sexual desire but it had become a part of my daily life. If I did not look at porn something was missing out of my day. I fell into a depression, if I did not already have it. Break was soon over and coming back to school I realized what the past three weeks had looked like and vowed to change it when I got back. Within the first 2 hours of being back I was on my laptop looking at porn. I had no joy in my life, no passion for anything. I was apathetic. The first Sunday back I was supposed to talk with a girl who I was interested in and had been writing to. I knew I was not the man of God I wanted to be and so I had told her I need to stop talking for a while to focus on my relationship with God, which I had intended to do except for the fact I ended up walking the completely opposite way. That was a very tough conversation to have. I knew that my addiction had not only affected me but someone I cared about.

After that Skype conversation I realized I needed to change something but God, oh there He was again. I learned the great lesson that I seem to always take for granted: grace. This is one of the hardest things for me to accept as a believer. I look at myself and know my screw-ups. I cannot fathom how by me going to God and saying, 'God I was wrong, forgive me', I am wiped clean and nothing is on my record. I continue to learn how amazing grace is, that all the crap that happened over break and when I got back was now gone before God. He accepted me even though I am not perfect and never will be. God showed me His love through His acceptance when I came before Him and realized I could not fight this battle on my own, I was not strong enough. That was an amazing moment! I re-installed the software and I wish I could say that’s the end of it, but it is not. I have looked at porn and masturbated since, but then God is always there to pick me up and stand beside me in this fight.

I read something the other day that stuck out. When Jesus died on the cross, he was alone, separated from God. I realized that since Jesus was separated from God I never have to be. Even during my depression with porn over break, God was slowly calling me back to Him. Even though it took a very hard conversation for me to wake up, God was there waiting for me. It’s an amazing feeling to know that no matter how alone I feel, God is always right there.

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